I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
