my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
be right there i have to get my cape
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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