Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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