At least make sure they are 18
Why
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
