i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
