Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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