I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
