I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
