i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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