Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
