I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
