We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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