i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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