My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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