The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??