She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming