Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.