I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize