he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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