im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
