So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
