I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
