Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
