I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
