he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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