i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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