So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
