duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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