I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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