We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
