No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize