finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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