my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
