Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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