the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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