Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
