Plan B is the new Plan A
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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