she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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