dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
