Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
