I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
