mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
