Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
