Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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