Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
sex in a hospital.. check
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
