was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
