Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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