oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
