I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The adults are the big ones right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
