so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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