my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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