i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dicks are not precious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
