i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
