So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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