Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
