Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Too much gin, very little bucket
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
