I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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