she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
