woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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