Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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