Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
