I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
