i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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