Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
