Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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