theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
