i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just crazy horny about you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
