Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
