Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
