im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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