News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
