She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
